Friday, October 1, 2010

Why do Old People Grunt?

Although I haven't been published in any academic journals, I do have proof that people of a certain age begin to grunt. My observations indicate that grunting begins at birth, but rapidly disappears from the baby vocabulary once they learn to talk. But once men (or less commonly women) reach the half-century or so, grunting reappears with a vengeance, in the following circumstances -

When standing up, to indicate "I'm on my feet again, keep clear"


If they're puzzled by something, there's a querulous grunt


When having to move suddenly (changing direction in a supermarket, or catching a ball) the body braces itself for the dangerous g-forces, and emits a grunt


On seeing young people moving rapidly around them, there's a disapproving grunt


Watching a 3D movie, there's a shocked grunt when pencils start flying out of the screen towards the helpless oldie (they may also duck in severe cases)


When tying shoelaces, there's an "ooh my back aches" grunt


Random grunts also occur in various other circumstances, such as when watching motor sports or cycling on tv

5 comments:

  1. I think you should do a audio of the various types of grunts so that we can recognise the symptoms!

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  2. My 93-year-old grandmother came to live with us. She sounds like Gollum from Lord of the Rings most of the time. It's scary. And don't even get me started on her nuclear-powered farting. Could destroy the world as we know it.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous
      My mother started doing that. Sometimes I think they have to hear a noise and of course dementia goes along with this. But I do know what you mean, it can drive you nuts...

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  3. My grandmother came to live with us, and she grunts constantly. There's a higher pitched grunt that seems to indicate thought or contemplation or mild confusion. Then there's the "possessed by a demon" grunting in basso profundo - so low that she sounds like a bulldog...

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  4. I know what you mean. My mother started grunting recently and that and it can be very annoying. It goes along with dementia and it doesn't get better. I wish i could help her some way but I can't. I ask her why she was doing this and she said she didn't know and couldn't help it. I looked it up and one place says its laziness and my mother does have a lazy side about her and always had after her kids grew up. Now she doesn't care what type of messes she makes or where its at. Its mostly food she drops in the floor and she like to play with products such as cups, plastic cultery, straws and she will pour water into cups or it doesn't actually matter. I just have to make sure everything is off the counters.

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