A Curious Creature

For the last decade, a charming black and white cat has lived with me. From certain angles he resembles a panda while from others he looks like a certain Teutonic dictator with a neat black moustache. But wait: should you visit me this feline will greet you at the door and purr a welcome but you may also glimpse a shadow dark as jet, lurking in the unlit corners of my house, darting from one hidey-hole to another. And this is my backup cat. Should anything happen to the charismatic one, then cat two will be of use. He is currently as pointless as Prince Charles, waiting for the leader to depart, but one day he may emerge from the shadows.

His strangeness is not limited to his supernatural elusiveness. He also happens to be of mixed parentage: part feline, part lemming, as is evidenced by his tendency to fall from heights in suicidal fashion. His inherent lack of balance is apparent every time he sleeps and rolls off his perch.

It's tv time (7pm till 1am each evening)

Health Alert

Please stay alert to the menace of foecal fog. After several scares in 2008, we thought that the danger from the brown mist had passed for good, but it seems that we relaxed too soon, and it pays to close your mouth and eyes when walking past the danger zones. Please see below for a close-up picture so that you may recognise it.

Foecal fog sighted as it drifted past my office, 3.10pm Friday 27 August, Perth WA

Office Chit Chat

I am still monumentally distracted from my photopraphy this week, and will instead list some controversial topics that have been discussed in the office recently.

• If reincarnated, would you return as a man or a woman? (majority opinion is that guys have an easier life)
• What is tickle-flirting, and how do I do it?  
• Do we really need a Commonwealth Government?
• How many serious relationships have you had? The following don't count: robots, sheep, the internet, dreams, Kylie, Keira
• Would your family accept your partner from a very different culture, eg. Gosnells?
• Are your colleagues hot or not?

A change of direction

Perhaps a more successful method of procrastination in order to avoid taking photos for a while yet would be to focus attention on equipping myself with the right gear. Surely I can't take reasonable snaps with a cheap camera, and I shouldn't be selling myself short by venturing out without a DSLR and lens kit in hand. I also need a well-trained assistant, a focus puller, a van, some Reeboks and a tuna and cheese toastie for lunch.

What's more, I also need to wait for the perfect weather and light conditions. The sun must be low in the sky, there must be high clouds, a rainbow and perhaps mist or fog.

Welcome to the blog of a theoretical photographer

For years now I've been imagining how wonderful my photos would look like, were I to take them. This site will feature discussions about these hypothetical photos. Once my long period of contemplation and reflections conclude and I'm ready to start snapping, then rest assured - although I would never be crass enough to actually publish these photos online, I will describe them to you in voluminous detail. I may even take photos of people's reactions to my photos, be it wonderment / bewilderment / revulsion or more likely indifference or sympathy.