Walking to the Left

Queuing to pay for in a small petrol station this morning, I was conscious of allowing room for the people ahead of me to get out. And the knowledge of right-leg dominance helped me. Because most of the population have a right leg stronger and more coordinated than the left, they tend to use it more and start moving with it. So they more commonly turn to the left, and if left in the wilderness without navigation aids, will usually end up walking in counterclockwise circles.

So when you're standing behind someone, move slightly to the right so that when they turn to the left they can get past.

A Good Irritant

Are any irritants good? Please discuss.

Irritants have a terrible image. You're probably already imagining a grain of dirt stuck in your eye, causing misery, or a dusty room triggering sneezing. Or perhaps an annoying person always interrupting you with inane comments. But theoretically, an irritant could be welcome in certain situations which I will try to describe as soon as I contrive them.

Decapturing the Moment

Attending a talk by renowned postmodern photographer Jeff Wall yesterday, I was astonished to hear him explain his philosophy. In contrast to every other photographer, he deliberately leaves his camera at home, and lets interesting visual moments pass by, uncaptured. Then in his own time, distanced from the original event and place he will reconstruct his impression of the essence of the scene. Much as I admire his work, I can't help but wonder whether the conventional approach would work just as well. Given that his audience aren't privy to the workings of his mind, when we see one of his photos we can't be sure if we're looking at an impromptu scene, chanced upon by the photographer, or something elaborately constructed.

Check out this marvellous creation for an example of his work.

Inactive Brains

When you're immersed in an experience, fully absorbed in a stimulating conversation, or in the middle of a game of squash, or waiting at the lights for a green signal, or nearing the denouement of a rivetting thriller or a thrilling rivet, your consciousness is completely occupied with the current situation and time passes quickly. But what if most of your time is so undemanding of your intellect that your brain is merely ticking over? I mention this after visiting the WA Art Gallery today, wondering how the guards looking after deserted galleries stayed alert after countless dreary hours of pacing up and down the brightly lit white rooms. So undemanding was their work that their mental requirement was virtually zero - the autonomic
nervous system was needed to regulate breathing and to maintain balance while walking but higher functions could be suspended. Do guards enter a trancelike state, or do they use their spare mental capacity to daydream? Either way, the tedium seems excruciating to me. I'm thankful that I have diverse methods to occupy myself, whether at home or at work, so I'm rarely left alone with only my brain for amusement.

Portion Sizes

Another aspect of the value for money and portion size debate is the ability to reach the dessert course. Touring the US last year, I only ever got there once in dozens of attempts. The outrageously oversized entrees and mains at reasonable prices completely filled me and put paid to my sweet ambitions. This applied not only to typical American diners and cafés, but also Italian, Chinese and Indian restaurants. The very classiest and priciest establishments did offer a glimmer of hope by not completely filling their plates, but compared to their Australian equivalents were still uncomfortably generous.

My ideal meal would be small enough to leave me wanting more, not leaving bent over, groaning with fullness. Or maybe I need to grow a large tummy?

Valuing Dining Experiences

Despite yesterday's passionate argument in favour of expensive dining experiences, I must admit that when it's over and I see the bill, I do question whether it's a sensible way to spend. Imagine a $100 meal that takes two hours. Comparing alternative spending ideas by looking at their cost per hour:

   Fancy meal. 2 hours of dining, at $50 / hour.


   Ten cinema visits. 20 hours of viewing, at $5 / hour.

   Year's membership to a golf or tennis club. 100 hours of playing, at $1 / hour.


   Ten novels. 100 hours of reading, at $1 / hour

Clearly restauranting makes no financial sense at all. I'll be eating at home from now on.

Restaurant Rip-Offs

Does it ever make economic sense to dine at a classy restaurant? Experiencing an unusual ambience and treating your taste buds to something different is obviously a pleasure, but is paying over $50 for a meal that would cost $15 if assembled at home with supermarket ingredients over the top?

If your main concern is value for money then you're welcome to order McDonalds, or stay at home eating ingredients bought in bulk. Buy yourself a 5 kg block of lard, sacks of white rice, potatoes and flour, a crate of pot noodles and home-brand baked beans. But I'll be dining out, poorer but happier.

Some people (who shall remain nameless) recommend against eating Indian food because of the small portion sizes compared to other cuisines. However I appreciate being able to sample a variety of mains without experiencing the dreaded bloating.

Must go now. Am off to blow my day's wages on a meal.

Time Compression

Being hard-pressed to squeeze as many activities as possible into my day, I've started listening to podcasts at double-speed. The iPhone's x2 option is a marvel, although it can tax your brain-power. Listening to dense talking is doable, but you need to concentrate.

Internet Time-Travelling

I'm endlessly amused by internet discussion boards and in particular, the lack of time perception. What really beats anything else is stumbling upon someone's question from a decade ago that others are still responding to. Recently I read a women's query about a good route for driving up the west coast of the US. Eight years later, clueless people were still suggesting itineraries. She's probably died already !

Reviving old threads may be stupid but it's still great for a laugh. On a lazy Sunday afternoon, for your own entertainment I recommend searching for the oldest message boards you can find and adding gormless comments. Here are some ideas:

"LOL Blackadder last night" on a tv forum

"Am flying Compass, then Pan Am" on a travel forum

"New Coke is soooo sweeet"

"Can Lendl beat Becker?"

Confusing Sportsmen

My gripe of the day is that it's unacceptable to have such similarly named tennis players as:

  Ferrero (Juan Carlos)
  Ferrer (David)
  Federer (Roger)
  Ferrero (Rocher)

They're all playing tonight in the Roma Open, and to make things worse, two of them are matched up. But I can't remember which. Also, it's possible that one them is a chocolate.

So confusing.

Pedestrian Craziness

Isn't it amazing how pedestrians often check that the road is clear, then trek out across multiple lanes assuming that it will remain clear all the way? In their minds, once they've had that initial look, they're enclosed in a protective forcefield that oncoming traffic can't penetrate. In reality, the traffic lights have changed and three lanes of cars and trucks are racing towards them at high speed. Particularly for people preoccupied with their mobile phones or listening to music, or in stormy conditions when umbrellas are up. Psychologically, these situations give the person on foot a misleading feeling of being separated from the traffic, and somehow protected from it.

Lem and Jeggings

My two favourite words of the day:

1. You already know jeggings, female legwear often sighted this time of year. But your challenge is to use it in writing today. I'm currently writing a report, and have inserted the following: 

  "A 15% increase in the frequency of jeggings has been observed since the same time last year."

2. Lem - if you abandon a book midway due to tedium or annoyance, you've lemmed it. Here's the origin of the term. I've very rarely not finished a read - if boredom strikes I speed-read in the hope of reaching a more interesting section. This is more sensible than the common approach of slowing down when reading something boring, which only exacerbates the problem.

Even More Wombats Fleeing Photographers

Another pair of wombats fled across a car park away from scary humans in Tasmania last month.

Choosing What to Read

The traditional method of selecting a novel to read was to randomly browse the shelves of a bookshop or library and pick something that took your fancy. The genre, the cover art, the quality of the binding and printing, the blurb and even the smell all went into the decision. You'd also listen to recommendations from family and friends. But now there are new methods that can uncover potential future good reads.

1. Go to goodreads.com (also available as iPhone or Android app) and let it recommend something that fans of your favourite books also like. Or use an online bookshop (amazon.com) to search for books bought by purchasers of your favourites.

2. Listen to a book review podcast (eg. http://www.swordandlaser.com/) or vodcast or tv show.

3. Investigate nominees or winners of book awards (eg. the Hugos, the Nebulas, the Man Booker).

And the final approach which I personally find abhorrent:

4. Read novelisations of movies you like.

Happy reading !

Crusty Cockatoo

This young black cockatoo person is a messy eater, and you can see remnants of past meals all over him.

Chocotea

In an experimental mood today, I concocted a novel drink. Inspired by mocha, the combination of chocolate and tea, I added powdered chocolate and sugar to my tea and let it brew. With trepidation and tastebuds anxious to be tantalised, I sipped some, and ....    it was GROSS aaaaagghhhh. Reminiscent of car park puddle water, but without the zing and sheen of motor oil, it both disgusted and enervated me. Without hesitation, I added a tot of my emergency brandy, and sculled the whole repugnant mugful. And that is when the magic hit me. I felt dizzy and nauseated, and then broke out into a cold sweat. A headache came on, and then my brain ceased to function.

All in all, one of my more successful culinary experiments.

Rose-Tinted Sunnies

Are you aware of the existence of mood-altering sunglasses? Once I went snorkelling and jumped into the ocean with my sunnies still resting on my head. They floated off never to be seen again and being in a remote town, the only replacements on sale were cheapies from the general store. And they had a magical effect due to their tan tinge. Put them on and you stepped back in time to the 1970s, with that faded yellowed look of old photos. They may have not protected me from UV rays, and may lead to future cataracts, but the weirdness of the visual experience was more than worth it.

Taking a step further, should any psychologists be reading this, I suggest running an experiment to measure the effect of various tints on mood. It's my hypothesis that a significant change will be seen.

Precipitational Sky

Here's the scene last Friday as I drove in to work. Dreariness and bleakness surrounded me, and reaching my office, my mood only deteriorated further.

Feral Kitty

This feral kitty was born a couple of months ago in a Fremantle car park, and last Wednesday was captured. We took it to a new foster home where it will be socialised and given a good chance to live out a fulfilled life.

Lewk's Parkinson's Law

Being ever conscious of Parkinson's Law, which states that work expands to fill the time available for its completion, I'd like to suggest how you can use this to your advantage. Imagine you have to give a presentation on Monday week, and you're nervous about having to talk in front of many people so you want it polished and smooth. Naturally you'll get started immediately (unless you're a chronic procrastinator) and have something ready to go and well-rehearsed. But that's a mistake because you'll never have the discipline to finish it and leave it alone once it's done. It will dominate your free time until it's been given. So, instead why not decide on a reasonable time to allocate to it (8 hours perhaps?) and then start on it until a day or two before the presentation. That means you cannot possibly waste a week on a job that should take a day.

I apply this technique to many tasks with deadlines, and I'd recommend it. Last week I had to give a presentation myself, and I deliberately decided not to prepare anything formal because I knew that opening up Powerpoint would only lead to time wasted fiddling with styles and formats. Instead I read over the material in the final hour before the talk and improvised it.

One final corollary. If you're worried about an upcoming event, then don't even think about it. Decide that there's no point stressing about it until 5 minutes before it starts because thinking about it doesn't achieve anything except heighten your anxiety.

Seasonal Supermarkets

Even from within a soulless modern shopping centre, it's still possible to observe the passing of the seasons. Now that we're in autumn, you won't see the yellowing and falling of leaves or busy squirrels collecting acorns to get them through the bitter winter. But venture into your local Coles or Woolworths supermarket, and these are the signs to look for:

January - discounted Christmas wrapping paper, and damaged decorations
February - we're nearing Easter and so those chocolate eggs have hit the shelves
March - hot cross buns are being baked in their billions
April - Easter is over, and the hot cross buns have been replaced by Anzac biscuits
May - Mother's Day suggested gifts can be seen
September-December - Christmas is here again

Addicted to Podcasts

I used to fill quiet moments with random radio stations blaring in the background, but the advent of podcasts has changed that for the better. Why listen to talkbackers complaining about neighbourhood drains, or top 20 music endlessly looping, when you can select niche programming, catered to your unusual tastes? Let me present my current favourite poddies in alphabetical order:

• The Dice Tower - humorous chatting about board games, 
• Dr Karl and the Naked Scientist - science Q&A
• Dr Karl on triplej - more science Q&A
• Freakonomics Radio - economics
• Friday Night Comedy (BBC Radio 4) - alternates between The News Quiz and the Now Show
• Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo (BBC Radio 5 Live) - film reviews
• The Skeptics' Guide to the Universe - as the name suggests
• The State of Games - board games, card games
• The Sword and Laser - fantasy and science fiction
• Tennis Connected - chatting about the tennis circuit
• TENNIS.com - more tennis is not enough
• Two Blokes Talking Tech - Aussie perspective on IT

Celebrating a Half-Birthday

If the twelve months between one birthday and the next is too long to wait, you'll be a fan a half-birthdays. But do you know to celebrate one appropriately? The half-hearted approach of merely recognising it and demanding spontaneous gifts from friends and relatives is no longer sufficient in the era of increasingly elaborate celebrations. To do it properly, you need to really grasp the half theme. Hold a party and then abruptly shut it down halfway in, after bringing out half a birthday cake. Receive half-presents - such as the first half of a movie,  a CD containing the first halves of songs, the first half of a novel. Children especially will appreciate such thoughtful gifts. They may sob uncontrollably after unwrapping half a Barbie, or spend weeks fruitlessly trying to complete half a jigsaw puzzle, but when they grow up, they'll thank you for having the discipline to do this, and they'll in turn pass on this insane tradition to their hapless descendants.

Double Mondays

Enjoying yesterday's public holiday (in commemoration of the delicious and yet historic ANZAC biscuit), I inevitably had to return to work today. And with the day off falling on a Wednesday, returning today effectively tainted a regular Thursday at work with a gloomy feeling of Mondayitis. This got me thinking about the ideal day off.

We can rule out Thursday for a start. Although it's the day of new movie releases in Australia, so is the ideal opportunity to get into those blockbusters during the daylight hours before the throngs arrive, it ruins your Friday - giving it that dreaded Monday feel, and effectively neutralising the TGIF effect and turning it into a run-of-the-mill day.

Tuesday is also not ideal because it adds Mondayitis to the hump-day feeling, and thus ruins your Wednesday.

Before we declare the most suitable day off, let's summarise the factors.

1. Modayitis can hit on any day off the week, after a break
2. TGIF has a strongest effect on Friday, when everyone is in similar mood
3. Wednesday is a hump day, with a mildly negative feeling
4. Most public holidays fall on a Monday, so taking a regular Monday mean you'd miss those extra days off

And the final answer is... there is no good day to take off, so don't !

Movie Confusion

Once upon a time, stories were told chronologically. Characters were introduced, tension built up to a climax and it ended with a satisfying resolution. But that's too old-fashioned for today's filmmakers. I saw the Aussie movie Wish You Were Here today, and although it's by no means indecipherable in its shifts back and forth along various narrative threads and timelines, it got me thinking. The relatively mundane and predictable storyline had been jumbled up and disordered to create an artificial tension. Had it been presented in chronological order, there would have been little interest. It was only the deliberate withholding of information by means of tricky editing that allowed the viewer to experience suspense and maintain interest. Does this make is a lesser film than something with an inherently compelling story? Maybe. But I still appreciated it nonetheless.