New Types of Pain

Having suffered with a sore tooth for the last five days, I've discovered so many varieties of pain that they're worth listing for the reader's amusement.

1. Sharp pain - when eating something hard, pressure on the bad tooth can lead to stabbing pain so strong I squeal

2. Dull ache - most of the time, there's a chronic soreness, as if I was punched in the face an hour ago and my tissues are still inflamed and sensitive. It spreads as far as my jaw and an ear. It's enough to keep me up through the night.

3. Throbbing - when my heart-rate is raised, a pulsating throbbing pain starts up, as if my tooth is growing and   contracting rhythmically, and when at its largest, it hurts as if it might burst

4. Cruel dentist sadist torture pain - this is the worst. A few hours ago, the dentist drilled into the roots of the tooth and started scraping away the dead pulp. He went in deep with a sharp instrument and despite three injections to numb the area, it was exquisitely painful as he excavated and delved as far down as he could. He saw me squirm and my hands tense up as they gripped the armrests of the chair, and said that it was unusual for me to feel anything. I couldn't reply except with a "uhuh" while I was trying to rationalise my way through. All I could think was that I'm not going to die, despite the pain. It can't kill me. Then it was over. And the good news? I have another six days till I return to the chair of pain, for an encore session of delving and scraping and drilling.

Please send any donations or sympathy cards to Lewksphotos' Tooth Agony Fund.