My Xmas List

I expect you're wondering what Xmas presents I'd like this year, so today I will reveal all.

I want the disco version that strobes in the dark

1. Platinum Cinema Membership. This will entitle me to a chauffeur service to Innaloo, a velvet armchair with my name in the centre of the cinema, with an unlimited Malteser dispenser built into one arm, and a tube refreshing me with my choice of liqueur coming out of the other arm, and if I need to pause the film for a break, I'll use my special remote control. This might annoy the other patrons but they should have bought Platinum Membership too.




2. Remote-Controlled Dalek. When the neighbour parks on my verge, I'll send out my dalek to exterminate it (I mean the car not the neighbour). In seconds only a smouldering chunk of metal will remain. Alternatively the laser can be set to Stun Mode, in order to shock irritating feral doves when they visit. It's also handy when you need a quick cup of tea - one little zap and the water is boiling in an instant.