Guide to Gold Class

In Australia, the poshest thing the whole country has to offer is Gold Class Cinema. Let me explain how it works, step by step.

1. You pay between $27 and $37 for your ticket, weeks in advance (because the tiny cinemas are usually sold out early). You're selecting a movie that hasn't been released yet, so good luck in finding a decent one.

2. You dress smartly and enter the Gold Class Lounge. You may think that now you're in, your money is safe. But oh no, the worst is yet to come; so far you've merely paid for the privilege of being allowed to see the menu.

3. Once the shock of the prices wears off, you order your gourmet wedges and cocktails and hand over your $35. Or if you want to share something tasty like a seafood platter and a couple of drinks, that'll be $65 thank you.

4. Find your seat and relax. There's a lever that lets you recline almost as far as a dentist's chair. But don't settle in too much - once the movie starts, the waiters will be in and out every two minutes delivering to the whole cinema. You'll always be on edge, wondering if this food is yours.

5. You're now having the time of your life, munching and drinking away, feeling posh, and even catching occasional glimpses of the movie. You're spilling sweet chili sauce and wine over yourself in the darkness, but you can't see it, so you don't care. Even more entertaining is the challenge of eating and drinking while wearing 3D glasses.

So there it is - a treat best enjoyed if you forget how much cash you're burning up. The way to do that is to ask for a Gold Class gift card for Christmas. Then you're content in the knowledge that it was someone else's money. Yay !