Double Rainbow

Taken with my mobile phone a few months ago on a rare rainy Perth afternoon.

Double arc-en-ciel

Double rainbows are quite common, but I'd be delighted to see an elusive triple.

Taking Blurry Photos Like a Pro

For years something was lacking in my photography. My problem was that I had a compact camera and it captured everything in focus. I knew that a blurry background in portraits would keep the viewers attention on the subject but I just couldn't do it with my little Canon Powershot. I'd fluke occasional good shots if the conditions were perfect - if I zoomed and the aperture was wide open and the subject was very close and the background was distant then yes, I could achieve the desired effect. But it was almost impossible in practice.

But now I know. The solution is to ditch the compact camera and get something with a larger sensor. Although there are many factors that determine depth of field (focal length of lens, aperture, distance to subject), the one that makes the biggest difference is the size of your camera's sensor (because of how it influences the focal length). If you have an SLR, or a micro four thirds then your sensor is in the top two rows below, and it's big enough. But if you have a compact or a mobile phone camera, it's too small. Sorry!

Sensor sizes (from wikipedia)

The other benefit of a larger sensor is that it captures more light. And so the quality in low light conditions is superior.

It's scandalous how small the sensors are in most digital cameras. Manufacturers love promoting zoom lenses and the number of megapixels they can squeeze in, but with a tiny sensor, it's tough getting a perfect shot. It's not too bad in sunny conditions but when the light is lacking, you can be in strife.

Boulder and Boulder

Yep it's true. I've completely run out of new material for this blog, and am now taking suggestions from the literally three people who read this nonsense. Today's request from a Mrs Trellis of North Wales asks whether I have a hamster photo. Well no, but I do have a holiday snapshot from New Zealand depicting balls of stone.

It turns out that the boulders are too heavy to roll back to the car to take home as garden features.

These are the slightly famous Mouraki Boulders on the South Island, naturally formed, and stunning to see scattered along the beach. If only Cambridge Council showed some initiative, some similar boulders on Floreat Dog Beach would attract the tourists in droves.

I now feel embouldened.

Crud Scale

At work, we often find ourselves crudded. But when you're in this state often, you learn to distinguish between different levels of cruddedness (or cruddation, in technical terminology). Here's the scale we use -

10 = Hiroshima Crud - the worst; top of the scale. Get yourself a lawyer.

8 = Grosse Merde - equals 1 Stinky Crud plus 2 Oh Cruds

7 = Shingies - we're getting serious here

6 = Major Cruddation - worth skipping lunch to sort out.

5 = Stinky Crud - worth skipping morning-tea break for.

4 = Crud - the traditional, original and best

3 = Oh Crud - a minor setback, can be overcome within a couple of minutes

1 = Mini-Crud - barely worth mentioning; the normal background level that surrounds us.

0 = 100% Crud-Free. A theoretical state hypothesised to exist were you living on a desert island with no Microsoft Office products and no bosses and no deadlines and no speed cameras.

Return of Mini-Rob

Mini-Rob went on sabbatical last year after a poor performance review and we feared we'd never see him again. But joy oh buttercup, this afternoon he bounced back into our lives as cheerful as ever, but perhaps a little rounder and a little stubblier and with rastafarian dreadlocks. Scungy was so pleased to see him, he gave him a huge bear-hug, as seen below.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

A Vampire Moon

Coming home at midnight from the late session at the cinema last night, having seen a creepy vampire movie, it was unsettling to find a fog had descended. The moon was especially eerie, a featureless disc glowing almost orange through the thick atmosphere.

Are you scared? You should be ! 

Elf Princess

Have you ever wanted to live as an Elf Princess? If so then try Lord of the Rings Online. I spend all my free time wandering around the pretty lands of Middle Earth, hunting gnats, collecting blueberries and skipping over puddles. And for a treat, once every few hours, I'll wander into an idyllic forest glade to hear the haunting melodies of Enya.

Watch out gnats and wasps, my sword is sharp.

Disappointingly, I am repeatedly being killed by a couple of large toads who are ganging up on me. You'd have thought a princess with a sword would defeat a couple of amphibians, but not in this world.

Hunting and Gathering in the Era of Personal Video Recorders

Are echoes of our earlier existence as hunters and gatherers still with us?  In prehistoric times, women would provide for their families by collecting fruit and nuts while the men went off joyriding sabre-tooth tigers, and throwing sticks at mammoths, coming home late injured and dirty and exhausted, needing to be looked after.

Hunting peaches can be tricky. Especially if they aren't peaches.

The modern equivalent of gathering for women with personal video recorders (PVRs) seems to be collecting as many hours of entertainment (especially films) as possible. The reason I mention this is that four women I know have managed to fill up their hard discs, while their poor partners are left with no room to record their essential episodes of Top Gear and the Simpsons. As an amateur evolutionary psychologist, this proves conclusively to me that the need the gather still expresses itself today in this compulsion to record films, to save them up for a possible future time when they'll be needed to fill up a few hours.

Interesting, the traditional conception of cavemen hunting the bulk of the food for the clan is incorrect. Women gathered most of the calories needed for survival while men supplemented this with occasional kills of game. (Reference - some science mag I read a while ago.)

Hauntings Explained

I've solved the centuries old mystery of hauntings. At least some of them can be explained by the low iron levels of old people. Anaemia can cause restlessness, a feeling of confusion and insomnia. It can cause old people to wake up in the middle of the night feeling unsettled, and then wander around their home bumping into furniture due to their night-blindness, moaning and groaning, and wearing white dressing gowns - traditional nightclothes from the early part of the last century. After carrying out their haunting for an hour or so, they exhaust themselves and fall into slumber again. And when they wake up in the morning, they have no knowledge of their nocturnal activities due to their forgetfulness. So the next time you see or hear a ghostly presence wandering around, have pity on them, don't fear them. And hand them some iron tablets to treat their anaemia.

UPDATE - I apologise for denigrating "old" people, and will instead refer to them as "wrinklies" from now on.

House Urchins

Sea urchins are usually found in the sea. When beachcombers find them and transport them home, they're known as house urchins. Here are some tiny ones, about the size of a 5 cent piece.

Why are the shadows blue? Please tell me.

Plastic Bag Magic

I've spent much of the past 82 years wrestling with plastic bags, trying to open them to insert fruit and vegetables. This came to a head today when I failed to open one after 18 minutes, and I was forced to carry my groceries home balanced in my hands, while the offending bag was stuck in my back pocket. On other occasions, I've given up trying to find a way in and have used the unopened bag to wrap around my groceries. Even a trained gibbon would likely do better.

But these battles are now over. I explained my disastrous shopping expedition to a friend who swiftly opened the seemingly impenetrable bag with a deft rub of her fingers along the opening and it miraculously parted before my eyes.

With this new skill, I can hardly wait to visit the supermarket this morning.

Heron Island Duskiness

From the 2007 archives, a horizontal bar for beach gymnastics on Hamilton Island, on the Great Barrier Reef.

Or was it a gantry used to unload freight from boats at high tide?

How Were Perth Suburbs Named?

Due to the fact that too much red wine was consumed this evening, I find myself not totally able to create new and sensible content for this blog. The problem was that the function I attended allowed self-service wine, and it's possible that I filled up my glass to the top instead of to the point where the curve of the glass straightens, as is traditional. So due to these unfortunate circumstances,  I must steal content from elsewhere, and will describe how names of various Perth suburbs were derived, courtesy of Landgate -

FLOREAT

The Floreat area was known for many years as the Limekilns Estate. The name of Floreat was the choice of the city of Perth Town Clerk, Mr W E Bold. Floreat means "let it flourish" and is part of the City's coat of arms.

BICKLEY

In the 1890's a siding in this area was known as "Heidelburg" or "Heidelburg Grove" it being the name given to his property by George Henry Palmateer who held 300 acres in the area in 1893. In 1915, because of World War I, the Railway Department was asked to change the name to something not of German origin. The Under Secretary for Lands proposed the name "Bickley" after a pioneer in the area and a member of the first Legislative Assembly - Samuel Wallace Alexander Walsh Bickley or Wallace Bickley, as he was more commonly known, was the original owner of 640 acres on the Canning River in 1843 and the brook which entered the Canning River at the corner of the land was known as "Bickley's Brook".

WEMBLEY

Named after Wembley, England. Intensive subdivision of the Wembley area commenced in 1909, and originally the subdivision was regarded as part of Leederville. In 1924, the Perth City Council requested that it be renamed Wembley Park after the suburb of Greater London where the Empire Exhibition was being held at the time. The name was gazetted in 1924 and was later shortened to Wembley.


LEEDERVILLE

Leederville is named after William Leeder, the first landowner in the area. He arrived in the colony on the "Rockingham" in 1830, and in 1833 bought land near Lake Monger. Private subdivision began about 1890 and the expanding district was already known as Leederville in April 1895 when it was declared as a Roads Board District. It was gazetted as a municipality on the 3rd May 1896.

FREMANTLE

Named after Captain Charles Howe Fremantle who arrived at the Swan River Colony on May 2nd 1829, on the HMS "Challenger". Fremantle had been despatched from the Cape of Good Hope on the 20th March of that year, by Commodore Schomberg, of the Indian Squadron, and after anchoring off the mouth of the Swan River, hoisted the British flag on the South Head, and took formal possession in the name or His Majesty King George IV, of "all that part of New Holland which is not included within the territory of New South Wales. The name Fremantle has at times and in various records been incorrectly spelt as 'Freemantle'.


WOODLANDS

This suburb name was approved in 1961, and derives its name from Woodlands Estate. Many of the street names in the area are the names of trees, in keeping with the woodlands theme of the area.

PIARA WATERS

Named after the local folk, the Piara, the women of whom were notable for their tradition of throwing water (and other substances) forecefully over any menfolk who irritated them sufficiently. In Piara Waters Town Square, a statue depicting such an incident can be found. 

By Popular Request

I've been asked to refrain from publishing yet more sunset photos, but I laugh imperiously in the face of such criticism and will proceed with photo number 2 from my series of 800 from Margaret River. Amazingly, seconds later as the sun was nearly below the horizon, its light turned lime green for an instant and then it disappeared. I really should have taken a photo but I was too busy concentrating on balancing precariously on small rocks in the ocean as water was rushing towards me.

Czapki

Witam Lady Gaga,
Będąc w modzie jak ty, byłbyś zainteresowany obejrzeniem kilka prac z regularnego projektanta, że pojawiła się na wybiegach Londynu w ostatnim czasie. Zapraszamy
www.papierdoll.net / look_ / spring2011 / le mindu 09 10 ale nie robią tego, bo podczas pracy.
Później, L.

Foraging at the Herdsman

More news on the urban foraging front.

Seen yesterday, a middle-aged woman in a 4 wheel-drive, parked outside the Herdsman market. She was harvesting rosemary from the hedge beside the car-park rather than paying $4.00 inside for a few sprigs in a plastic container. I'd be concerned about the exhaust fumey flavour of this particular rosemary however.

Also noted at the weekend at Vasse Felix winery, rain water was offered instead of the usual tap water.

And one more example of sustaining yourself from the local environment - my cat brought in a large frog from the garden and deposited him in the kitchen yesterday evening. Thankfully he was unharmed and I released him into our extensive wetland area, but you have to applaud a self-sufficient cat.

Another Cliched Sunset

I have a billion more where this came from.

Beside Margaret River - rivermouth

Chasing a Dust Cloud

Closely following a car through the Boranup Forest, the dust cloud made for a pretty picture. The problem was that I had to stop to take a snap, and then speed to catch up for another try. In the course of chasing, I managed to launch the car into the air, landing on a stone that dislodged a panel on the underside, which then scraped along the road noisily. Was it worth it? You be the judge...

Nope, it wasn't worth wrecking my car for this shot.

Forest Bunyip

Spotted near Margaret River over the weekend, a rare forest bunyip. He was furtive at first, rummaging around the undergrowth (sniffing for truffles perhaps), but we eventually tempted him nearer our cottage by laying a trail of chocolate pieces by the back door. After a couple of hours, he even came inside and watched some Wipeout.

Shy but adorable.

Champignon Colony

How amazing is it that mushroom spores have colonised my pot plant. Nothing else will grow, so in future I will abandon growing regular plants and will instead concentrate on moulds and funghi.

Looks yummy, no?

La Grande Jave

There's a far away country called La Grande Jave. On the tropical north coast is a small town called Palmerston. In the south, the largest city on the east coast is called Albion, while further north in the sub-tropics is humid Edenglassie. On the lush south coast is a thriving metropolis of miserable people called Douta-galla or Batville, and on an offshore island of sheep even further south is the town of Hobarton. On the west coast, the Swan River Settlement is renowned for its ginger beer and tall ladies.

You've guessed by now that I'm talking about Terra Australis, the Great Southern Land, New Holland, Java Major. And I've used our original capital city names. If it hadn't been for some big-headed administrators wanting to change the names in order to honour some British gentry, then we'd still be using them. Here's the full list, courtesy of six minutes of solid academic research on wikipedia.

Perth - the town was named after the Scottish Perth. It was first known as the Swan River Settlement.

Adelaide - named in honour of Queen Adelaide, the German-born consort of King William IV.

Melbourne - named by governor Richard Bourke in 1837, in honour of William Lamb—the 2nd Viscount Melbourne. Early European settlers mistranslated the words "Doutta-galla" which are believed to have been the name of a prominent tribal member, but said by some to also translate as "treeless plain". This was nevertheless used as one of the early names for the colony. It was later known at Batville.

Sydney - named after the British Home Secretary, Thomas Townshend, Lord Sydney, in recognition of Sydney's role in issuing the charter authorising Phillip to establish a colony. The original name was intended to be Albion until Phillip decided upon Sydney.

Darwin - the port was named after Charles Darwin, the British naturalist. The settlement was called Palmerston until 1911.

Brisbane - Chief Justice Forbes gave the new settlement the name of Edenglassie before it was named Brisbane.

Hobart - the city, initially known as Hobart Town or Hobarton, was named after Lord Hobart, the Colonial Secretary.

Canberra - the word "Canberra" is derived from the word Kambera or Canberry meaning "meeting place" in the old Ngunnawal language of the local Ngabri people, or possibly the name means "woman's breasts" as reported in the 1860s by writer John Gale, in reference to Mount Ainslie and Black Mountain.

Is this mind-gobbling, or what?

Latvian Memories

Strangely enough, my favourite hot chocolate ever was found in the mediaeval city of Riga, capital of Latvia. I wouldn't recommend travelling to the Baltic just for a drink, but I would advise visiting for the outrageous architecture and parks in the beautiful city known as the "Paris of the North". Please note that there are several Parises of the North, so when you book for flight, make sure it's the right one. The architecture is a combination of art nouveau, romanesque, gothic and seven other styles that amazingly all fit together to make one remarkable city.

Someone got carried away with the spire.

Army Squirrel

He patrols parks at night, keeping things in order.

Guard your nuts carefully

For Lady Gaga

After receiving a message from the esteemed Lady Gaga recently, I've decided that in tribute to her and the recent meat dress she wore to the MTV Video Music Awards  (pictured below), I'll be creating a vegetarian version of this dress. Initial experiments with lettuce and carrots have not gone well - walking in the park yesterday evening, I was followed by a growing number of feral rabbits, attracted by the debris from my clothing.

Iciness Over Perth

We spotted another ice halo over Perth in February, but with only a mobile phone camera the quality is not great.

Antarctic Ice Halo

A rare weather phenomenon, caused by ice crystals in the upper atmosphere. In the distance you can see a tiny cruise ship; only large enough to carry six ants. Oh yes, there are also half a million King Penguins in the picture, plus one Queen Penguin on the right. While we were standing there, blinded after looking into the sun for too long, the Captain came over and said that sailors regarded an ice halo as a sign that bad weather is on the way.

See the ring?

More Free Food

An interesting session on Birmingham radio BRMB recently, on scavenging free food in the Midlands. A caller mentioned a restaurant offering free entrées, but the host correctly noted that such a deal requires the diner to stay and pay for the main, rather than disappearing after wolfing down a first course. More useful were locations of fruit trees in public parks. For example Canon Hill Park in Edgbaston contains various fruits. And there's a pear tree in a park in Walsall. This got me wondering why Perth parks aren't growing useful crops. For instance instant of ornamental trees, why not a citrus where the fruit can be of some benefit?  It would be wonderful to head over to Lake Monger reserve, and come home with a basket full of lemons, truffles, magic mushrooms and quinine. And with a little more work, I can make aspirin from the bark of the willow trees.

Half a pair of pears

Seal versus Penguin Chicks

Here's a scene from the sub-Antarctic islands of South Georgia I captured last year. A lone seal confronting three punks - King Penguin chicks with attitude who'd been causing a commotion, disturbing the peace.

Don't mess with the Tubby Chick Gang

Suburban Hero

Perth supermarkets were under siege yesterday after a flaw in Cadbury's Score a Freebie Bars promotion was found. One in five bars is a winner,with a barcode printed inside the wrapper. With close examination this barcode is visible from the outside. Once this information was published on a bargain hunter's forum, hundreds of people rushed to the confectionery aisles to find the winning chocolates. One colleague immediately alerted his son who rushed to Floreat Forum and cleaned out the supermarket. For the upfront investment of 99 cents, he bought one winning Time Out, and then was entitled to claim another, which so happened to be another winning Time Out and so on. He left with twenty, plus a bag of frozen peas to keep them cool.

He wins the award for Most Brazen and Heroic Attempt at Beating the System for 2010. The prize: a Cadbury Time Out.

End of the Rainbow

Found here

Reverse 3-D

Spending half my free time in cinemas, reviewing movies for the New York Times, and the Subiaco Post Entertainment Insert among others, I watch many 3-D movies. And it seems to me that the effect wears off within 30 minutes, and I'm left regretting paying the surcharge and the inconvenience of wearing the clunky glasses. So my solution is to wear the glasses upside-down. It will BLOW YOUR MIND. Everything far away will appear close, and everything close will appear far. The experience of the Legends of the Guardian owl movie was richened immeasurably by the reverse 3-D effect, whereby Mangy Owl was flying towards me and yet becoming smaller and smaller. Objects in the foreground were being obscured by distant background objects and other impossible effects hit me all at once in a mind-altering wave that reminded me of the party where I had too many lemon, lime and bitters, and lamingtons and needed to sit down.

My War with the Cleaning Lady

I'm often told off by the cleaning lady, but the situation is becoming tenser. The current flare-up began in January 2008 when she told me to remove the office Christmas decorations, saying that they were generating too much tinsel she had to vacuum up each day.

Months later, she wrote me a note accusing me (falsely) of ripping foam from the padding of my chair, and putting it on the floor, thus creating more work for her.

The situation deteriorated further this week after I laid tinsel and baubles around a couple of desks. The cleaner removed the decorations from our desks, plus other decorations and personal effects that had been decorating our monitors and stuck them in the bin. The bin has now been emptied and the decorations are gone. So that is the end of Christmas. It is officially cancelled this year, and my festive spirit has completely evaporated.

And I hope that my cleaner nemesis has not yet discovered the internet and this blog, else her vengeance will be fearsome.

Yet Another Cat Pic

When I created this blog, I had to sign a set of conditions, one being a strict limit of three cute cat pics per month. Having discovered this charming photo of my favourite feline as a youngster, I'm willing to face the wrath and might of the Blogger.com legal team and exceed the limit.

I is too cute. Pleez feeds me.

Into the Third Dimension

Finally after weeks of experimentation, I'm proud to announce that we're going 3D. If you squint and focus your gaze precisely 18.5cm in front of the surface of your monitor, a beautiful portrait of a valued colleague will reveal itself. Mini-Rob, meet the world.

Surprisingly happy for someone with no nose

He's very proud of the one tiny hair on the crown of his head.

Indecent Proposals

In a rare two minute break from the relentless ten-hour working day, I was asked to come up with a controversial topic of conversation. My immediate response was to ask "what would you do for a million dollars?". This led to the sordid storyline of the Robert Redford, Demi Moore film Indecent Proposal but for fear of angering Ashton Kucher, I will ask you some different questions -

"Would you have a silly word tattooed on your forehead for $1 million?"


"Would you have your head shaved for $10,000?"


"Would you drown a kitten for $10,000?"   (if the kitten was irritating, smelly and depressed, would that change your mind?)


"Would you change your name permanently to Silly Banana?"


"Would you have your tongue pierced for $1,500"

Merry Christmas

Yes I am tardy in wishing you a merry Christmas. The department stores have been decked out in tinsel and baubles since September, and I am pronounced guilty of procrastination. But here you go.

The best portraits of me are taken in darkness.

This photo was taken at a friend's beautifully decorated house last Christmas with the little compact Canon Powershot A570 with 13 seconds exposure.

Office Xmas Party 1925

Around 1925, our office Christmas Party was captured for posterity. Click to see the larger version, and start unravelling the psychodrama.

For 10 points, identify the boss

Herdsman Lake

Saturday 2nd October 6:07pm, northern shore of the Herdsman Lake

Tiger snakes commonly attack photographers wearing sandals near here.

Savoury Morning Tea

When I return home every evening, I pour the contents of my sack of mail over the lounge floor, and start writing replies to my thousands of postcards and letters. In truth, most of my correspondence is scanned electronically and sent to a team in Bangalore to respond on my behalf, but a few interesting items still reach me. And a question I'm repeatedly asked is "Lewk, if I was asked to bring in savoury food for morning tea, what should I choose?"

This is deceptively tricky. More commonly, sweets (biscuits, cake, dried fruit) are requested, but savoury snacks  require more thought. And since I'm paid to think for you, here are my suggestions.

1. salt and vinegar crisps (not Pringles which are all identically shaped, thus reducing the excitement)
2. Monster Munch (illustration below)
3. feta and spinach rolls
4. pizza
5. a lump of cheddar
6. deep fried brie
7. vegetarian spring rolls

And a word of warning for novices - don't fall for the corn chips and salsa dip trap. This is such a predictable choice that your lack of imagination will be held against you.

Recommended daily intake is zero.

Twilight Spectre

Walking through a tropical grove last Friday, the warm evening air was suddenly replaced by a chill, the birdsong ceased, and in front of me, a spectral presence appeared.

In local folklore, spirits with hands in pockets are the most feared of all

The spectre then explained that he in fact wasn't a visitor from the underworld, instead he was a mortal human whose green clammy skin was explained by being food-poisoned by a mouldy chicken-burger that lunchtime.

Light Hair Distribution

To locate the blond peoples of Europe, please consult this map.

yellow - 80%+ light hair
light orange - 50-79% light hair
light brown - 20-49% light hair
dark brown - 1-19% light hair
black - no presence of light hair

Lighter hair in the heel of Italy may result from the Norman conquest of southern Italy a thousand years ago, the Normans being originally Norsemen from Scandinavia.

Source - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Light_hair_coloration_map.png, based on anthropologist Peter Frost's 2006 study on light hair color

Lazy Cat

This be a young cat of my acquaintance, reclining on a spring afternoon after a hard day of sleeping in the garden.

I needz tuna now

Why do Old People Grunt?

Although I haven't been published in any academic journals, I do have proof that people of a certain age begin to grunt. My observations indicate that grunting begins at birth, but rapidly disappears from the baby vocabulary once they learn to talk. But once men (or less commonly women) reach the half-century or so, grunting reappears with a vengeance, in the following circumstances -

When standing up, to indicate "I'm on my feet again, keep clear"


If they're puzzled by something, there's a querulous grunt


When having to move suddenly (changing direction in a supermarket, or catching a ball) the body braces itself for the dangerous g-forces, and emits a grunt


On seeing young people moving rapidly around them, there's a disapproving grunt


Watching a 3D movie, there's a shocked grunt when pencils start flying out of the screen towards the helpless oldie (they may also duck in severe cases)


When tying shoelaces, there's an "ooh my back aches" grunt


Random grunts also occur in various other circumstances, such as when watching motor sports or cycling on tv

Friday Rumour II

Here's the latest gossip from 1995.

An undisclosed source tells me that Aussie actor Sam 'Avatar' Worthington is a cocky so-and-so, whose carefully constructed working-class background is much exaggerated, and that he set his sights on acting rather than being a brickie from an early age.

My source is well-informed having been to school with him in Freo (at John Curtin School of Ballet and Bricklaying).