Sweaty People - What Are They Good For?

Q. In a hypothetical office, a worker arrived this morning puffed and sweaty after a vigorous commute, and started work without showering or changing clothes. Should colleagues be concerned?

A. Not necessarily. Using my comprehensive mental database of made-up medical and biological knowledge, I can say that new sweat is not stinky. The worst smells only appear after several hours, once the sweat has had time to decompose and interact with bacteria on the skin. Furthermore, the most fragrant smells emanate from certain types of glands, those in the hairy regions. Sweat from other regions is more innocuous. However, if the clothes are not fresh, if they contain yesterday's sweat, then their offensive odour will form a cloud of fumes around this hypothetical worker, and he or she will notice others giving them a wide berth.