30 Seconds is an Eternity

Warming my apple and rhubarb crumble in the microwave for 30 seconds last night took unbearably long.

Time only passes more slowly for me when awaiting the judge's verdict on a reality tv show. That moment when they're going to announce a winner and instead they just pause and we see closeups of beads of sweat on brows and then the judge's smarmy knowing expression, then we hear amplified tick tocks as everyone is holding their breath. This moment irritates me so much it induces reality tv rage and I am forced to leave the room and find something worthy to spend my time on rather than being shamelessly manipulated by tv producers creating artificial tension. Yes, those 30 seconds are the longest 30 seconds there are.

Should I become a tv editor, this sequence:


"And the winner is.............................................
.......................................................................
........................................................................
........................................................................
..revealed after the break.....................................
.......................................................................
And the winner is...............................................
........................................................................
........................................................................
And the winner is Sheryl-Jane and her calculating tortoise."

Would be replaced by :


"Sheryl-Jane and her calculating tortoise. "


Editing out "the winner is..." removes the foreshadowing of imminent boredom.