A Solar Powered Watch for Me

For the environmentally conscious, this is the perfect watch. It's not so good after sunset though.

Fossil

A Fate Narrowly Averted

This is the fate that nearly met a couple of winos on the weekend.

Beautiful art from Alan Lee

Arachno-Anarchism

Last night, the orb-weaver spider known as Jeremy was excited. Two potential victims were drinking wine outside in the steamy weather and could easily have become disoriented and stumbled into his enormous web. But sadly they retained their senses and survived, this time at least. But next time, he'll be waiting...

bLOG sTAtisTICs

You may find this interesting.

I don't.

Power Shortages

Due to the power restrictions caused by Cyclone Carlos shutting down the Varanus Island gas plant, I am regretfully unable to update today's blog. Instead I am saving electricity by turning off my pc and instead continuing to knit my woollen hat in preparation for winter.

Endless Summer

We're 5 months into another glorious Perth summer, but there are still 9 weeks to go before the chill winds of autumn hit us, and we have to dig out our scarves and mittens. Let's relive some of the highlights. Here are the temperatures we've experienced in recent weeks, going backwards from today.








34
36
36
30
34
34
34
39
36
34
33
32
32
35
31
34
32
30
30
34
36
33
30
28
38
40
38
38

Ahh, the memories: the sweaty t-shirts, the daily litre of ginger beer, and the pain of burning the soles of your feet as you run out onto hot paving to the letterbox each afternoon.

And here are our forecast maxima for the next few days:

35
36
35
36
35

Beginner Wining

For decades, I've been developing my wine palate. Sampling various vintages, ranging from reds to rosés to whites, dry wines to dessert wines, trying to increase my sophistication and moving further away from my childhood love of raspberry cordial and lemonade. So on the weekend I requested my current favouite, the Brown Brothers Crouchon Riesling, feeling awfully posh UNTIL I was told that this was a beginner's drink, the sort of wine that kids try first off to get a taste for wine, with the alcohol hidden underneath the strong, sweet flavours of pear and melons. So in effect, I've got nowhere. My palate is equivalent to a twelve-year old's, and I've completely given up hope of ever appreciated dry wines, after literally billions of glasses of wine, costing tens of thousands of dollars. In fact, I'm inclined compelled to give up wine altogether and revert to the sugary syruppy cordial I truly love.

Groupal Shyness

In a rare two minute break in the middle of a solid 12 hour day in the office, I was chatting about shyness to some friends. And we were curious about the difference in shyness we experience when talking to groups of different sizes. For example, Miss X thinks of herself as very shy and quiet, and yet in groups of three she has much to say, and could speak all day at times. But in a group of four, you won't hear a word from her.  Mr Y is in no regards shy, and he is compelled to speak when in a large group if nobody else is. Here's my analysis of groupal shyness:

1 - almost everyone is happy to express themselves when on their own. Even the shyest types are liable to shout at themselves if they drop a cup while alone, or in a car alone when someone annoys them. If you're still too shy to speak out even in your own presence, then you have Primal Shyness and you need therapy, or to become a monk.


2 - those of moderate to strong shyness can clam up even in the presence of just one other. Let's call this  Secondary Shyness.


3 - Miss X can cope with groups of three, but this is her limit. She has Tertiary Shyness.


4 - I can usually speak out in groups of four, but any more might be a struggle. I have Quadrilateral Shyness (and strangely I am always shy in quadrangles).


Luigi Syndrome - if big groups only encourage you to be even louder than normal, you're afflicted (or blessed) with Luigi Syndrome.

Scooby Doo Sighted in Mandurah (And Scrappy Too !)

Tootling through Bunbury and Mandurah today, I was gobsmacked to see this car driven by a couple of enormous hounds. Until now, I had thought that Scooby Doo was made up but clearly he was based on reality.

Final Watch Thoughts

Getting excited about the latest Casio Pathfinder watches, I've found the mother of them all, the PAW2000. How have I survived thus far without knowing precise sunset times, and barometric pressure, and a compass?

As noted in this watch blog, the major functions are:

- Time (12 and 24 hour modes)
- Perpetual calendar
- Sunrise and sunset times
- Stopwatch
- Countdown timer
- World time function
- Alarm
- Compass
- Altimeter
- Barometer
- Thermometer
- Solar (light) powered quartz movement
- Kept accurate by receiving signals from and of 6 atomic clocks (around the world)
- Battery power reserve indicator

This watch never needs a battery change because a few hours of sunshine will recharge it for six months or so.

However, right in the midst of my fortnight-long watch search frenzy, I visited someone today who out of the blue announced that she'd won a prize from the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes, and that prize was a classy Citizen watch which she has now donated to my wrist ! My search is over.

Choosing a Watch

So many options. Going to amazon.com, there are 52,537 men's watches to choose from, and I've personally considered 30,000 of them. Here are the finallists.

Takes 18 minutes to decode the blobs and work out the time

Shows time in Paris, New York, Bunbury

Time is displayed in pirate's eyes

Every hour it makes whinnying noises

Urban bling at its finest

Community Service

Today I want to make mention of one of those unsung community heroes, someone who goes about their business without fuss, day after day, making a difference to people around him. This fellow, in his spare time, becomes an honorary Town of Cambridge ranger, collecting litter from paths and lawns around his house without reward. He does say that his main motive is to look for lost money, cameras and watches, but at heart, he also wants to improve his street. I've also heard that most of the litter consists of fast food wrappers dropped by his son, but again, this doesn't diminish his commitment or the gratitude I express to him.

A Floreat street prior to our hero starting his rounds.

Another of his duties is to inform parking inspectors if any cars are parked in contravention of the rules. He is so dedicated to this role, that if he ever sees cars without correct permits parked in his favourite car park, he'll inform the authorities right away.

I sense an Order of Australia is being engraved right now.

Devolution of the Human Body

Have you seen WALL-E? The cartoon shows a dystopian future where humans have grown in girth and laziness to such an extent that they've lost the ability to walk and fend for themselves, and instead travel in floating buggies and all physical exertion is automated. Well I've glimpsed this future at work today, as I will now explain.

1. With lifts out of action, people aren't familiar with stairs. A nearby buildings has both of its lifts broken, and this has led to a near breakdown in civilisation. Computers and other items weighing greater than 1 kg can no longer be transported to and fro the upper floors, because clearly carrying objects up and downstairs is so hazardous, it can't be attempted. With this attitude, I wonder how people in earlier centuries coped when they had to move pianos. Did they sit around and say "Sorry, we can't move this. Let's wait a few centuries until someone invents the electric lift." Or did they just get on with it?  Speaking of these stairs, I tried to use them last week, only to find myself locked in the stairwell - the doors were all secured and alarmed except for one on the basement. Stairs should be the standard option, and lifts for emergencies only.

2. Many people can't live without air/con any more. Driving my first car with air con, turning it on was for special occasions only, when the temperature inside approached 40 degrees. Our bodies adapted naturally to the changing weather over the year, and we could cope with cold times in winter, and heat in summer. Now that many people are cocooned in permanent air/con, they struggle to cope without it.

3. TV remote controls are no longer a luxury item. Can you imagine having to stand up and walk to the tv to change channels? How primitive is that idea? Well it wasn't that long ago that remotes were a novelty.

My 1,000th Sunset Photo

...because I know you love them.

From last Friday night, when I picnicked in the disadvantaged river ghetto of Dalkeith. As you can see, various locals were wandering up and down the river bank. I overheard a parent saying that their kids had lost the emeralds and diamonds that they'd been playing with earlier. I felt sorry for them as I sipped my Argentine wine, and ate my dolmades.

Multicoloured Councillors Part III - Epilepsy

These colour effects are fabulous (unless they switch to Eye of Sauron mode) but they they can be hazardous to anyone trapped inside the building when they start. Cleaners and late-working councillors who stay beyond dusk report being trapped inside a giant disco ball, and they can't help but dance through the night, and are often found the next morning exhausted, lying on the floor, but still gently shimmying as if listening to 1970s music.

Multicoloured Councillors Part II - Eye of Sauron

When I drove past the council building again on my way out of town, the rainbow colours had gone, replaced by a menacing red, orange and yellow Eye of Sauron. The deafening roar of flames hit me, and a menacing low hum continuously emanated from the centre of the eye. The jovial mood of people on the streets earlier was replaced by groups of blank-eyed drones being drawn toward the eye, crossing the street without regard for oncoming cars, staring unblinking at the eye on the building. I felt myself wanting to get closer and the noise of flames and the drone was overwhelming, but suddenly Kylie came on the car radio and I snapped out of it, and sped away to home and a cool ginger beer.

Multicoloured Councillors

Perth City Council's multicoloured building tends to mesmerize passers-by. These lights are constantly changing, sometimes strobing and flickering quickly. Luckily I had my camera with me when I walked past 30 minutes ago after leaving the Perth International Arts Festival launch show.

This pattern reminds me an old t-shirt I used to love.

How Not to Play Tennis

Do the opposite of me. My techniques aren't working.

1. Don't leave your water bottle in the hot car all day before playing. The water will be hot enough to make a cup of tea, rather than a chilling and refreshing drink.
2. Don't wear old basketball shoes with soles flapping around loosely, tripping you up. 
3. Don't play in 36 degrees, at midday in full sunlight, on a hot hard-court. Not only does the sun burn holes in your eyes when you toss the ball up for service, you'll suffer from Burning Head Syndrome, described here for the first time:- your head overheats and sweats, staying bright red for several hours post-game no matter how long you stay under a cold shower.
4. Don't invent a new type of serve whereby the ball hits the frame and ends up in a nearby garden.
5. When a ball rolls away, don't sprint after it, thus exhausting yourself for the next point. 

Swampy Sunset

Another shot from my marshy mission on Sunday. See how I cleverly used the clichéd framing technique? If only there was something interesting at centre, such as a lake dolphin somersaulting, or a midget spy submarine surfacing.

The Plus Side of Cyclones

My solicitor received a curious letter today. I can't reveal its contents, but will mention that my article on the connection between cyclones and personalities has been revised in the light of further information. Instead of...

"Hurricane Rob was blustery, annoyed millions of people all over the place, and ended up dumping water over many of them."


I will now say this...

"Hurricane Rob was a unique storm, responsible for an amazing series of fortunate events: he provided a perfect tailwind for the World Athletics Championships, allowing athletes to set a series of world records; he extinguished a series of wildfires in southern Europe by blowing the fires back onto themselves; his rain saved many a crop from drought; he rescued a puppy called Mungo that had fallen off a yacht by blowing him safely ashore in Portugal (although sadly he was later eaten by a rabid goat)." 

Flying Dragons

Whenever I see a stunning sunset, I rush off to nearby vantage spots to capture it forever. Here is yesterday's picture. If you zoom in, you can see a dragonfly at the top left, and a column of midges swarming excitedly below it.

Churchy Garden

Sorting through photos from a trip to Holland a decade ago, here's an attractive parterre garden beside a church. This is the style that I'd love to use if only it didn't need a full-time team of rakers and pruners to keep hedges trimmed and paths clears of leaves. For the lazy gardener, it's best to stick to a wilderness theme.

A Jellyfish Sting Operation

They got me good this time. I swam right into a monster jellyfish and it bounced off my chest right over my heart after stinging me. The pain was agonising, and I had fleeting thoughts about the venom stopping my heart. But I seem to be still alive so far.

Fortune-Telling Via Cyclones

Thankfully Cyclone Yasi caused less havoc than expected, and so you won't hate me for explaining how today we worked out how to use these weather systems to tell fortunes. Our research demonstrates unequivocally that a tropical storm sharing your name will also share personality traits.


Take my dear colleague Mr W. We found in the archives a Typhoon W that meandered around Asia for 22 days without clear direction. Enough said. Our second case study, a Ms S, was clearly named after a small cyclone that spent most of its life hanging around a tiny Indian Ocean island before disappearing. And to prove it beyond doubt, we found a very memorable Hurricane Rob that was blustery, annoyed millions of people all over the place, and ended up dumping water over many of them.

Friday's Awesome Post

Imagine if you will a witty story describing a curious incident that occurred today in the presence of your humble bloggist. The topic will be perhaps an amusing episode at a local beach, or something silly that a cat might have done while its master was away earning a shekel.

Below the story, please conjure in your mind a photograph so engaging and expressive that it speaks for itself. Swirling lines and colours come to life, evoking sounds and smells that transport you into the scene (and away from your current position sitting shirtless at a computer in the suburbs, listening to grunge, munching on corn chips and thinking about Humpty Dumpty). The photo hearkens back to the old masters, Doisneau and Cartier-Bresson, and would be at home on the wall of a gallery in Paris or New York. This my friends is the photo I would have taken had I not decided instead this evening to focus on watching a series of cruddy sitcoms I recorded last night, and that need to be cleared from the PVR's hard disk. Sorry, but I have my priorities.

Dated Science Fiction

Reading a 2005 science fiction novel set centuries into the future, it was jarring to see characters given names from earlier generations: Cynthia, Mary, Edward. It was distracting and got me thinking more about the author than the story. My guess is that the aged writer had used names from his childhood in the 40s and 50s, that we regard as quaint now. The lesson I've learnt is that when writing fiction for the future, it's safest to invent names.

Here are some suggested futuristic names that you may use, free of charge.

• Super Sky Jesus
• Botulismo
• SpaceBarry
• Pizazz
• Mergatroyd
• Eve2.0
• NewJane
• <xxO^$??>  (pronounced "John")

Star Trek or Mad Max?

     or    

Until recently, I've assumed that humanity's future would resemble Star Trek. Scientific
and technological progress would continue uninterrupted for centuries until we have the capacity to colonise the solar system and beyond. Medical advances, bio-engineering, nanotech and so on would improve our lives immeasurably. But with runaway climate change seeming increasingly likely, our future may now resemble those post-apocalyptic scenarios featuring bands of survivors eking out a harsh existence in a climate-ravaged landscape, a la Mad Max. If the Greenland and Antarctic ice shelves collapse and sea levels rise higher and higher, then our current society will struggle to cope. Ports and coastal cities won't function,  crops will fail, and mass migration to more temperate regions will occur. Not everyone will survive in a future with food shortages, lack of medical care and collapse of law and order. Exciting times ahead - I always thought Star Trek was a bit lame anyway!